I always thought, if I were a better version of me, or if I were someone else, I'd be happier. No, because even if we were someone else, we'd be just as happy as we'd allow ourselves to be. The problem isn't the outside, it's the inside. It's whether we think we're worth the happiness we could be experiencing now, because there's so so much worth being happy about. You just have to take responsibility and realize that you have a choice in the matter.
I think about the people that I know who are deeply insecure, and those that are so comfortable with themselves. There's not one thing different between those people, they're just as pretty as the other, they're just as smart, successful, rich. The only thing that's different is the first group chooses not to be happy until they obtain the elusive quality that they see in the 2nd group as being the determinate in happiness. Unfortunately this elusive quality doesn't actually exist, and upon obtaining what they believe to be is that quality, they're just as unhappy as before. So they move on to what they qualify as another determinate, yet again, after obtaining, they're just as unhappy as before, perhaps even more so, because they're more confused now. Sometimes the 2nd group is a lot worse off, and the first group wonders, what is it they have that I don't, still. And I guarantee you, if the 1st group were to trade spots with the 2nd group, eventually, they'd still be just as unhappy, and the 2nd group would be just as happy in the position of the 1st group. It's all a matter of perspective.
We're unable to let go of this internal disappointment, because some of us believe that being unhappy with ourselves now means that we're motivated to improve. In some cases I do believe that a certain amount of disappointment is healthy, because it's this nagging annoying reminder to do something now to improve, but I do think that most healthy growth is spurred by being happy and comfortable with oneself. That growth happens naturally when there's a secure anchor, as opposed to occurring artificially as a defense mechanism to counter the current discomfort.
I read an interesting article yesterday about our subconscious' programming. What we hear in our heads about ourselves is going to be predominantly bad, and our subconscious tends to recall more of the negative than the positive. It's just our wiring. It's not an accurate reflection of reality. It helps to identify it as your subconscious' musings, and understand consciously that it's not true. The article suggested that when this happens and we start believing that voice in our head, we should come to our senses, and feel the moment, and stop thinking.
That's been the hardest realization I've come to in my 21 years of living. Thinking about yourself doesn't get yourself anywhere. You think you're figuring out all sorts of things about yourself and can better understand yourself, when really, you're just rationalizing a state of mind and perpetuating it. For instance, if I felt badly about myself today, my subconscious would point to all the reasons why I feel this way and then I would sustain that feeling when I find reasons to back it up, instead of realizing it's just a fleeting mood. Nothing is permanent. Another important lesson: don't take stuff seriously. The lighter you take it, the more you'll get out of it. Another important lesson: don't compare your reality to other people's fictions. Another important lesson: don't plan too much. if you plan, you tend to take it too seriously. and whatever you take too seriously will often fail.
Last: NEVER assume!!! it gives your subconscious permission to go nuts with over thinking, because your conscious mind has no answers- therefore most of the thinking will be negative!!
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