What are utensil birds?

Last semester I had horrible insomnia. I went to acupuncture. He prescribed me herbs. They were huge horse pills and I was told to take 10 a day. That was daunting and didn't work (maybe because I couldn't swallow that many in a day nor did I want to). I went the psychiatric way and went to my health center and walked out 10 minutes later with a prescription for a 30 day supply of ambiens.

One day, after drinking too much caffeine trying to stay awake writing a tedious paper, I wanted to go to sleep. Au natural was frustrating, my heart was palpatating, and the caffeine anxiety was developing into a consuming, mental anxiety. So I took an ambien. Little did I know, I started tripping out as if I were on a lethal dose of ecstasy. These are the texts that ensued:

Once this idea was birthed, it stayed in my head like Inception. The next morning I psychoanalyzed myself and realized the utensil bird was me- lost in this world looking for my niche.

Then I went to Disneyland after school ended. Amongst spinning tea cups, talking puppets, hookah smoking caterpillars, I realized utensil birds came from a plane in the creative collective unconscious similar to that of Disney. It was sick, crazy, but there was something sadly sweet- a land of unexplored potential and curiosity.

It became a song. Then later it became a stuffed animal that I made with my little brothers, a pink plush toy that I broke up plastic forks and spoons and spray painted silver and glued to its wings and body.

so...

What this is... is a utensil bird trying to find her niche, a restaurant that utilizes fully its specialty and uniqueness. She's not quite a bird, not quite a utensil, but in this world that makes you choose which you are and stick with it, it's been pretty hard finding that place of acceptance.

so follow me.

Who am I? About to be a senior at NYU. Travelled abroad to Shanghai last year, and going to Paris to study in the fall. I'm a psych major, a cinema studies/french minor. My life is funny, random, surprising, confusing, indecisive. Trying to pave a path for myself but easily distracted by secret roads (those are often the most fun). I went to an all girl's school for 7 years before NYU in Brentwood, Los Angeles. Lots of stories about that. Lots of stories, in fact, about my crazy life and my realizations. I define my life not by events, but by what I learn through introspection and reflection. Partly very social, partly very introverted. Sometimes a mess.