nostalgia

I was hit with a wave of nostalgia for Paris today. As much as school shackled me, I found a way within the confines to be free. Today marks the end of that period of my life. Hope dies in the past, but a new kind of hope lies in the future. The past 4 years were dedicated to my self discovery, and I really did graduate with a degree in learning about life and myself and the things I want and the person I am, and am going to become. The next few years will be a period of professional growth- I know I too will grow, but it will be less of a prominent focus.

Unfortunately today, I was way too tired from working 11 hours since 6am at the New Balance event to even go to class. I collapsed on my bed unable to move having run around all day. I enjoyed it, don't get me wrong, but being there for that long especially during this hell week of mine with all my finals and stressors attacking me, it was depleting. I wanted to go, I was going to force myself to go, but having learned a bit about balance over the past few years, I learned that the worst thing is to do more than my body and mind can handle. If I was already feeling like shit, like the world was against me, there's no point in going to class for another 4 hours. In an alternate universe I would have gone.

I feel.. strange.

Something's missing, and I don't know what.

How funny the contrast between last week tuesday, exactly a week ago, and today. Last week seemed so hopeful, so happy, so liberating. Today feels confined, tense, frigid. I'm so stressed and I'm not sure what's contributing to the stress, what's causing the stress. I wish the mind could be run through a strainer, sorting out the particles causing the issues and comparing it to the compounds from last week. What's changed? What's wrong? Who am I? Where am I about to go? The world ahead seems so... stagnant. But, here we go. and I was always excited for the world ahead since years and years ago, now that it's starting to happen, I'm reluctant to step forward.